My Grandmother’s Eyes

Photo on 6-5-16 at 3.12 PM

Today I am working at the antique store I have a booth at.   It was very busy this morning but now has died down.  I have 1 1/2 hours to go before I can close up.  I wandered around and looked at stuff, played on the computer, wrote the last post’s haiku on a chalkboard for sale and took this photo.

When I loaded it I thought something looked familiar.  Besides it is me of course.  I see my Dad’s mother in my face.  I can’t pinpoint what it is but she is there.  I’ve gotten a glimpse of her in my face before.

I am happy to see my face isn’t so round anymore.  I have lost 45# since last August with more to go.  I don’t wear glasses.  These are my cheap Walmart readers.  They give me balance and definition I think.

My hair is like wire and I don’t color it.  I’m pretty fortunate that the gray has sprinkled itself pretty even throughout.  I sometimes ask the hairdresser what it looks like.  They always say good but then what are they going to say.  I hope they are honest, not that it would matter.  I’m an old hippie chick that believes in nature taking its course and accepting that.

Last month I bought my first full length mirror.  I just stood in front of it nude, then with panties and bra.  Man, when did I get so old?  And wrinkly?  It isn’t horrible.  It is my reality.  I don’t plan on doing a bikini calendar anytime soon.  Promise!

The last time I actually looked at myself like that was 30 years ago when I was 120# (I was 5’11”).

I had gained a lot of weight with kids and the stress of a husband who…well, we won’t get into that.  Let’s just say it’s complicated.  I got that from the internet.

Last August I moved out of our bedroom to the room upstairs.   He snores, I had hot flashes.  I am the type who needs my own space.  He is the type that is constantly in my space.  We mix like oil and water these days.

Just like that 45# fell off me.  Honestly I didn’t even try.  I was shocked.  I am embarrassed every time someone asks me what I am doing.  I mean, nothing really.  Besides now sleeping and walking away to my room when I don’t want to deal with my husband anymore.

I did join our local fitness center to get in better shape for my upcoming trip to Poland.  I am taking my son as a graduation gift so it is a big chunk of change.  I don’t want to be the one holding everyone up.  I have a long way to go physically and only a month to get there.  I have arthritis and sitting in a car delivering mail has my back screwed up.  And my ankle.

I went to my Dr.  I don’t think she listened at all.  She put me on prednisone for 6 days for “plantar fasciitis” which is not what it is.  But what do I know, right?  Maybe it can be irritated through the ankle.  Drugs helped but once done it was back.

Last week, through total desperation, I went to a chiropractor for the first time.  I told him our mission is to get me walking good in a month.  He is a miracle worker!  I hadn’t felt that good in 2 years!  I will be going back often to build up on the progress.  But for the first time since booking this trip I am allowing myself to get excited.